Butterfly Vuela

Tag: narcissism

  • Do less, trust God More!

    Do less, trust God More!

    I enter the Center of My Garden with a smile, clothed in white with my robe of humility. I look down and my feet are peaking out of my gown. I walk bare foot on the grass and as I dunk under the hanging foliage, I see Him there, waiting, beautiful and magnificent, regal! “Lord you are beautiful and I love you!” “We have work to do beloved, are you done trying to avoid it and your own timing?” “Yes Lord I am!” “Good let us get to work and enjoy the day, remember I am leading you!” “Yes Lord.” As I type this out I am grateful for the reminder of the instructions for this day and that he is leading.

    John 6:47 Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me has everlasting life.

    Sometimes it is just to do the next right thing. Why does this feel so hard today? I guess I need to learn to have even better boundaries. It is hard to change things from the inside and continue to be steady in who I am and becoming. It is admitting enmeshment and codependency. It is being patient with others, but also oneself. It is seeing some progress in others but not jumping back to complete trust and trusting God is working in me and for me. I can pray for others but I cant rescue them at all. I have time now to set myself to do and be who God needs me to be and I am letting go of the bitterness that this process brings. Do less, trust God more and be diligent to do as he leads! I can do this and do it His way! As the healing progresses, some of the permissible ways of coping are being left behind, this is bitter at first, but I will not stay stuck. I need to have some more personal discipline and so today I am. It is not blaming another, taking responsibility for my own life. It is a smile knowing that life is better today!

  • Butterflies of Light!

    Butterflies of Light!

    7/27/26 “Good morning Lord the garden is beautiful.” “Yes and it will be a very productive day. Shall we get started?” “Yes, let’s.”

    7/28/26 “Good morning Lord. What a beautiful day. The birds are chirping and the garden is so lovely. Lord, I expect a miracle!” Joy fills his countenance, “Yes Krista, it is yours!” And he blows a kiss that breathes love, strength, and life into me! Butterflies of light flew out of that kiss too! He is wonderous! “I love life with you Jesus, thank you!” “There is work to do.” And we set about it in the Center of My Garden.

    It is ok to just begin and take one step at a time. You are not alone! When coming awake or out of a narcissistic system or relationship it can take some work and time. It is good work, however, and very much worth it! It is important to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal what spirits are or have been in operation. Yes this is important with those who are used against us, but if you grew up in it or have been in it for sometime, there is healing, deliverance, and new ways to live life for you. The abusers or their minions can be forgiven, prayed for and an agape type of love can be offered and it is a good idea to not look for or to change any of them. There must be better boundaries and the ceasing of rescuing them, I am working on these! I found in my situation two key spirits in operation Jezebel and Absalom, followed by python and leviathan. Today I dealt with any pride or very low self esteem that might still be in me, thinking of rejecting the spirit of leviathan. The goal is to keep us trapped or re-trap us, so repenting and forsaking the spiritual darkness and false ideas and ways we had learned is key. Also, though victimhood is a reality at first, I found I had to begin to take authority, Jesus’ authority over these things operating around me. We don’t want to control anyone else, guiding and disciplining young children aside, because Jezebel is a controller. We simply can not have anything in common with the enemy to be free. Jezebel is also very religious. I found applying the blood of Jesus to myself and taking communion is necessary too. Part of the pain is when you realize how hard you have sincerely worked to love and find out it was not reciprocated and worse, a whole lot of time and energy went into deceiving you. People must be forgiven, but not the enemy! Forgiveness doesn’t equal trust!!! There is justice and others can decide if they want to come out of the system, God must be their guide! Also, there is not much else as painful and unhelpful as teaching a deceiver how to recognize and do a better job of deceiving, so I would let God work, I have to say I had painful lessons in doing the wrong thing in this, but there is grace and we don’t start off knowing always how and who is being used!

  • Onward Christian Soldier!

    Onward Christian Soldier!

    The Holy Spirit is helping me get ready this morning. I am being filled and a smile has come to my face as this happens. I have that beautiful robe of humility on and I have been prepared with a beautiful bouquet of daisies to hand the Master Gardener. What a joy! I enter: “Good morning Lord.” He receives me and the flowers with open arms. As he pulls me against his chest I take a deep breath. He pulls me just away enough to look me in the eyes. “I love you Krista, all is well, be strong, be courageous, I am here.” I collapse back onto his chest and say: “Oh thank you Jesus, and thank you for transforming me and the Center of My Garden! I ask for the peace of Jerusalem!”

    It has been hot, not just in the temperature, but from the spiritual realm. Have you observed this for yourself and in general? I had needed correction, but I also needed to remain steady in what was being revealed. I am grateful I did not turn back, (in the past I have turned back, but that is what happens when you are in the f.o.g. and you don’t know it). Guilt and other emotions and lies tried to turn me aside, but the sky is now clear and though it pained me to see what was left after the fog lifted, I am happy with the truth and the growth it will produce. And today I say: “Onward Christian Soldier, he has made a way!”

    Deuteronomy 11:13-14 NKJV
    ‘And it shall be that if you earnestly obey My commandments which I command you today, to love the LORD your God and serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul, [14] then I will give you the rain for your land in its season, the early rain and the latter rain, that you may gather in your grain, your new wine, and your oil.

  • I resisted!

    I resisted!

    “Good morning my King,” I bow. He takes my hand, smiles and we walk together. We are looking at what needs attention today. He is talking to me and pointing things out.

    1Peter 1: 6-7 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ,

    It has been a day of resisting the flesh and the enemy, resisting that hard heartedness, and at the same time I have had to continue to set my forehead like flint and not back down. It is so very important to me to have grace, not judge and remain loving from my heart, but I am learning a new stronger way to stand and love. I found myself going very low before the Lord and speaking to my own heart to remain in love, then I had to resist emotion and tell the enemy I would not turn back or back down. I will not operate out of shame, guilt, codependency or bitterness. I feel like the entire gamut of emotions was pushed at me hard today. I can say I resisted and I am still standing. This is a good work God is doing in me. It was anything to change my stance, direction, turn me back, or stop me hearing from the Master Gardener. I am grateful it didn’t work.

  • A treasure, my Treasure!

    A treasure, my Treasure!

    “Good morning Lord. It’s gonna be a bright sunshiny day!” “Indeed it is!” We begin to walk. “Lord I let go of what I expected and I look to you. Help me to speak to the vision you have.” He smiles and looks into my eyes. “Your pain will be turned into joy, just as mine did.” “Thank you Lord for the honor of a little suffering and the joy and for being yours. You are truly a treasure, my treasure!” “I love you Krista!” “I love you Lord!”

    James 5:11 Indeed we count them blessed who endure. You have heard of the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord-that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful.

    It isn’t straight forward, the healing from narcissistic abuse. And not all relationships are as toxic in the system so learning new boundaries and not having a hardened heart is a bit tricky. I have found it comes down to my surrender, to the Lord and humility with a whole lot of trusting him and obeying even when I don’t understand. I love my life and the journey. God will use it for good! It has been a painful and sad day, but already the joy is taking over.

  • Emotional Health!

    Emotional Health!

    “Good morning Lord, I love you, I say with a smile. “Good morning Krista,” he touches my face. I breathe a while. “Lord we worked on the pathways yesterday. What shall we do today?” “Pray.” And I begin to pray.

    Psalm 31:7 I will be glad and rejoice in Your mercy, For You have considered my trouble; You have known my soul in adversities,

    Emotional health is a big key for balanced life. Putting our needs to Jesus first and making him first will help us to be healthier and heal if we have come out of emotional abuse. Cutting the unhealthy emotional ties with others is also important and with some we need to cut the ties completely. We will need to be tethered to the Lord and properly tethered to ourselves. I found myself repenting of allowing or putting others first in my emotions, it is idolatry. I have been growing in this my whole life, it is just a new level I have come out of. It isn’t a blame game, but when we see the truth we can see what needs to change and then take a step.

  • Emotional Ties!

    Emotional Ties!

    I come into the Center of My Garden with my robe of humility and a bouquet of fragrant red roses. I look up to smile at the Master Gardener. “Good morning my husband, I love you! I have brought you a fragrant bouquet from the garden.” I hand them to him. He looks at me longingly and lovingly and accepts the flowers. He leans in to take in their fragrance. When he looks up we share a smile. He takes my hand and we walk. “Let us work in the paths today in the garden. It will be a prosperous and joy filled day.” “Yes Lord!” I sing: “Give me oil in my lamp…”

    Matthew 7:13-14 “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. “Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.

    Cutting the emotional ties takes time, but begins with a decision. The Master Gardener is a great help in this! It is the quest for liberty and truth. Investing in ones own emotions and self is an important part of this process. Lord lead us in healthy stable emotions and break the emotional ties that have bound us. Let us know truth and Liberty! Let there be joy in the process today too!!!

  • Life gets better!

    Life gets better!

    “Let it rain…open the flood gates of Heaven. Good morning Lord!”, I sing as I come into the Center of My Garden. “Good morning. Shall we dance?” “oh yes!” Before I even finish my reply he has swept me off my feet! Wow how amazing and wonderful. We dance and smile, with added laughter. It is wonderful!

    Deuteronomy 33:27 The eternal God is your refuge, And underneath are the everlasting arms; He will thrust out the enemy from before you, And will say Destroy!’

    There are ties to be cut from narcissistic systems and this takes some working through. There are those who must go and some who may stay. It is a spiritual battle first and foremost. It is important to keep working on the correct boundaries and cutting the ties either way. I found it can seem confusing when people aren’t used to the boundaries and you’re trying to remain unbitter and faithful to God and others. It is possible to do and takes time and patience. Without giving excuse there are some who God may require from us what we may not want to give, he will ask us or show us and we should let that be up to Him, non else. In our battle against the enemy we must remember he often uses the weakest links. If we carry on learning and applying the boundaries those who will stay will stay and if and when God sees that the time has come for a removal for purpose to be fulfilled then He will provide a way. If we focus on God and what He is doing in us life gets better either way! I am glad He never gave up on me, and that makes me glad and hopeful for all, that God will not give up on them. It is simply giving up the lies and enabling practices, basically letting Him be the Savior! He does a better job than me!!!

  • You shall have It!

    You shall have It!

    I sing my greeting this morning as I enter the Center of My Garden. “Good morning Lord, how I love you… Your eye is on the sparrow, I know you’re watching me. I praise you for your faithfulness. I thank you for your truth.” “Good morning Krista,” and he smiles. “Lord there has been growth in the garden!” “Yes, despite the obstacles!” “True and I am looking and counting on you for direction and help.” “You shall have it! Let us tend to these plants and let us rejoice!” “Yes Lord, and Yes!!!

    Isaiah 66:13 As one whom his mother comforts, So I will comfort you; And you shall be comforted in Jerusalem.”

    I am pretty certain that it is a normal part of awakening from the narcissistic system, but getting out of it, I am really seeing how bullied I have been for so long. The enemy is evil and will steal whatever is allowed to be stollen. To see it, not comply and stop being the fixer, I have had to get so strong, but not on my own. The strength being built in me is from the Lord. I just will not comply anymore and it is costing me up front, but in the long run I will have so much more and it will not be stollen any longer. I have a lot to learn, but that is life, I have a lot of life to live too, and a big forgiving boundaried heart to share! The scripture coming to mind is: Rev. 12:11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death.

  • Actually pretty Awesome!

    Actually pretty Awesome!

    I am preparing to enter the Center of My Garden! I put on the robe of humility and a smile, from my heart. The Holy Spirit is helping me. “I love you Lord, let me breathe you in this morning.” “Yes my love.” And he pulls me in. I place my head on his chest. “All is well, my love, you have done well. Do not turn back and do not fear. I have quieted your fear!” “Yes Lord, indeed, you have. I will do as you command!” “There is life in the garden and much work to do. Shall we begin?” “Oh yes Lord!” I am so excited that the Master Gardener wants to work with me another day!

    1 Peter 4:14 If you are reproached for the name of Christ, blessed are you, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. On their part He is blasphemed, but on your part He is glorified.

    It is amazing to me that as I have come to type this out, the night and it’s struggles have vanished. I remember as I tossed and turned a struggle in my heart and mind. It was difficult. I just kept trusting God and giving it over, but I remember it wouldn’t leave and didn’t get settled. What I do not remember is exactly what it was. This tells me that as the night ended and my morning has been spent, the Lord was leading me to resolve and has brought it to a close. How wonderful and faithful He is.

    As I have been healing and growing out from under the narcissistic systems I was fully in, I am finding that I have had need of a lot of retraining. Beyond the narcissists there other things of course. One I want to talk about today is the flying monkeys. These can come in various forms. Thoughts must be retrained and religious ideas that were used and still are, to keep me bound, and people. Sometimes it can be even harder to let them go. The important thing is realizing that they are working for and with the narcissist and should not be trusted. So many teachings and mindsets and people get used to keep one from being set free completely. I believe this was part of my wrestle last night, but I still don’t quite remember, which is actually pretty awesome. I am having to be careful when I hear certain teachings or scriptures. I go to the Lord when I feel like I need to look back, tolerate or feel pressured or guilted into ignoring the truth. This happens all day for me. It hasn’t been easy, but it is simple. I am grateful that God is so patient. I need it. I have had to turn my patience toward others to myself.

    I typed out the above paragraph before typing my encounter with the Master Gardener today. I realized as I typed the encounter out that it was what Jesus did and who he is for me that caused me to forget the struggle. I also want to tell you, the Lord asked me a few weeks ago to not only seek comfort and it is being revealed to me what that entails. I can not just fix some peoples actions and poor teachings etc. I can not just forgive and let things be. It won’t make a way out for me or others. I have to face the truth and some hardship. I can honestly say Jesus has been faithful to teach me. And I hope this truth brings you joy! It is so important that we know truth to get out of and be kept from the lies ahead.