Today I am beginning with watering the new apple trees in the previously neglected space. They have new tender shoots! Things are now in order and established and I can tend to the surrounding areas of my whole garden. It has been a very needed time to put into this center garden, this is what I will call it going forward. Even yesterday I was unsure if things were sorted in it. As time has progressed today and I am back and reflecting, I see that the work is done and I now only need to tend to it regularly, like the whole garden. I guess it was just the perfect time in my life to venture into the inner part of my garden, find it in much disrepair and then sort it out. I had forgotten about it, and to be honest, there was some of it I was not even aware of being in existence! However shocking this may be, it was cruelty, pain and control that shrouded it from my sight. Now I can learn, discover and grow in all areas of my life. I pray your joy is full today friend. I hope you invite the Master gardener into your plot…He has such a way with our lives and causing them to bloom!!! I am currently looking back at him and we are sharing a knowing smile. For it is Him and I alone that know what a miracle my garden has become!!!
Tag: narcissistic abuse
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Hard graft and Bitterness
Hard graft and bitterness is how my day began in this garden. There was some sweetness added in as the day progressed and then pow, more bitterness. And then I found that it was about me. It was about me growing stronger in my boundaries. It was about me facing the truth, maybe another is to blame, but it isn’t about them. I must not hold to any people pleasing ways and must grow. I have tolerated too much for too long and taught the improper treatment of myself, but I did the best to rise above out of narcissistic abuse and my own codependency. I found it was about me, and not another. So I am growing and I yield to God’s working these out of my life. Standing looking at this garden at the end of the day, the work is worth it and I chose the work, the surprises, the pain, and the beauty!
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Sanctified Emotions
Today I learned that when God is pressing on my emotions, it isn’t as I was lead to believe. Compassion doesn’t mean what I thought it should. Sometimes he is wanting me to pray and intercede. He isn’t always wanting me to allow people back in and dream about it, no he wants me protected and whole. I understood that yielding myself and emotions to him is good, but it doesn’t mean what I thought it did. Yes, it is maturity, and it is also protection and liberation from narcissistic abuse. I am so grateful to understand this today. Of course my emotions, feelings, longings, and needs have also been used by me and others to get me back in the grasp of the narcissist or toxic people, but not anymore. Now, I can be me, be used by God and effective, but remain protected with strong boundaries. This is a miracle for me. I pray you would have insight into you and how you have been talked into things, people and places that you don’t belong in, and insight into the growth God has worked in you!
Butterfly Vuela 