If disability sucks…why am I smiling?! I will just answer that right away: Because Jesus cares for me and is transforming me and will never leave me! It’s been 10 years since I had a diagnosis for Chiari type 1 and a little longer for knowing about, but not diagnosed with another, and the same 10 years for the meningioma in my head. I really did think this all would just be a stop along the way, and I guess it has been in some ways, but here I am and my life is altered. Of course I have had my ups and downs and I have learned how to take care of myself to lessen the suffering. But I am pretty much home and have attended church from the comfort of my bed or chair and this is my daily life. During the “Plandemic,” I mean “scamdemic”, I mean… I had to make a very difficult move. I remember how physically hard it was to travel for me. I then remember realizing that things would be very different as we even landed at the airport and no one came inside to help and having to navigate helping someone, and trying to find the way out, while being very sick. Did I feel sorry for myself? No but it was challenging. Everyone else doesn’t need to understand how hard things can be, but it is important to learn to take care of ones self, advocate for yourself, and say no a lot! I remember going over to a friends house back before the move and telling them I would come over but I had a time frame I had to be back by, I went trusting that they understood it was a non negotiable. I went, in truth to minister to them, and I am glad I did, but I did not have my wheelchair yet, and they altered their plans while I was there and left me over an hour longer than I had said. It was a hardship and I quickly realized that I would have to start saying no more than I had expected. I felt guilty for not progressing quicker and I often felt like I could just go back to normal life. I found that I have ups and downs and progress, then steps back and if I listen to where I am actually at, I can do well and be healthier. I can walk, but I use my chair. This has been hard for me, because I have the use of my legs, I have often felt like a pretender, but there are many benefits for me. I think I will stop there for today. I haven’t talked about my disability a lot lately and I just thought it might encourage someone. My life has been hard, I have had other things to deal with the last two years (an awakening to what had tried to keep me contained, and it isn’t disability), and am coming out into a new chapter, and the sweetness is coming back in greater measure because through it I am learning a new freedom of Jesus’ love and faithfulness and he has given me renewed strength. I am finding I no longer need to understand everything. I just really need to trust him and be real with him and let him tell me the truth about me and what he made me for! So the joy from my heart and smile are genuine and it is because I have learned of his goodness and he has continued to transform me through it all and it is a miracle beyond words! I do have people to thank and be grateful for in my past and my Mom and my daughter are among those. I have made my share of mistakes with others and I am grateful for the growth!!! I had to enter a time where it has been lean on people, very lean, but how could I become who I am today with out facing this time. I have had to let go of many, and my old self or who they wanted me to be. This has lead to my freedom and of that wilderness, I am coming out!
2 Peter 3:8 Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.
Butterfly Vuela 