“Lord, lead me today. For Your sake! Good morning!” He smiles, “Good morning! Are you ready to thrive?” “Oh yes Lord, but will you help me to and let Your abundant life in?” “I will, I am! Let us enjoy the beauty and fragrance of these sweet peas this morning.” I take time to breathe him in and just be in his presence before the life and work begin.
Psalm 62:2 He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be greatly moved.
In looking over the past year or 2 and thinking on my journey of awakening to narcissism and the systems I have had to seek to get out of, I found myself so entrenched that everything has had to change. It is no longer okay for me to tolerate what I once did. I was an enabler and codependent. I had never known life outside of a narcissistic system. I do not give myself excuse, but it is what it is. I learned in stages, my first stage in my awakening to something being wrong was coming to grips as a young adult that I had come out of emotional abuse. Then years later I began to experience heightened forms of narcissistic abuse, only it took me until I was in my 50s to really put the finger on it. The past was repeating and now I had to face it all. I could have closed my eyes, but that isn’t me. I played my part for too long and now I am growing in discernment. There hasn’t been an environment or group of people in my life, that have not been infiltrated. And so I am in a place where I must wait, continue and grow and I know the Master Gardener is using this time to do a good work in me. I can only hope it will bring life to many others. I trust the Lord and I am learning to trust myself more and those remaining doors have been hard to let shut or keep shut, but it is what I have to do and so today I am choosing to do it. Life is good, even in pain. God is faithful when people and even my self are/is not. It can only get better and I am!!!
Butterfly Vuela 